Wildly in Love with Life
My life looks nothing like it did in 2014. It was the year of my rockbottom moment AND the year I started practicing yoga daily and started to change my life.
At the beginning of 2014, I…
- lived in a city with brutal winters that I hated
- worked a soul sucking job that I dreaded waking up for.
- was in a relationship where I always felt like I was walking on eggshells, felt guilty all the time, and had so many blowout fights that involved things being thrown, walls punched, and cops being called on us.
- would explode into uncontrollable rage behind closed doors.
- had a lifetime of unaddressed complex trauma.
- couldn’t make a decision to save my life.
- hated my body and punished myself by trying to eat 1200 calories a day and exercise out of hatred. I would stand in front of the mirror and squeeze the fat on my stomach, wishing it would go away.
- hated my skin color. I hated being Asian.
- ate out nearly every meal even though I couldn’t afford it. The thought of cooking brought me to tears.
- always had cystic acne on my face.
- was always cleaning up after my ex.
- had zero connection to spirituality.
Now I…
- live in a dream quiet surf town with an amazing view of the bay and mountains and sunshine everyday!!!
- get to do work I am madly in love with and connect with amaaaazing people.
- am in a healthy, loving, and respectful partnership where we can talk through anything.
- know how to manage my emotions.
- LOVE my body even though it looks the same! Eating healthy isn’t something I need to think about anymore. It’s just my way of life. I still have the same amount of fat on my belly but I love my softness.
- love my dark skin and am accepting my race.
- make most meals at home and dance around my kitchen while cooking.
- have clear skin!
- have a home that’s clean, spacious, filled with light, and my partner and I share the housework.
- am connected to my Higher Self, the Goddesses, nature, and the collective.
Along the way, I've learned soooo many healing modalities and I want to share them with you.
Are you ready to take radical responsibility and live a dream life that you are wildly in love with?
Send an e-mail to Mona@monalunalove.com if you’re ready to transform. 🐛 🦋
Let The Masks Fall
Let the masks fall.
No, not those masks. The ones that hide your true self.
The ones you put up out of shame.
The ones you use to "protect" yourself from letting the real you be seen and be free.
Maybe someone told you that you weren't good enough
and that you'd be better if you were like them
or them
or them.
So you try to be like them.
Or maybe you've been doing it for so long
that you don't know any other way.
But your soul, your very spirit
is aching withering calling out.
To be seen
To be loved
Just as you are.
Let the masks fall.
Those who love you will catch you
and love you for you
until you learn how to love yourself
for all of you.
Let the masks fall.
You are loved
You are celebrated
Just as you are.
x Mona 🦋
Rags to Riches
We love a rags to riches success story.
And we’ve heard this phrase countless times- “hard work pays off.”
And while these can be helpful and inspirational, its also led myself and so many women that I’ve worked with to place our worthiness in the struggle.
The belief that it’s only valid and worthwhile if it’s really f*cking hard, and if it was easy, then something must be wrong.
This belief kept me in a toxic and abusive relationship for over a decade because “it’s worth fighting for.”
This belief has led me to constantly think I wasn’t doing enough at my design jobs because they were easy. It’s kept me in shame about growing up with privilege like always having a roof over my head and food on the table, and having my college tuition mostly paid for.
It kept me believing that I am only worthy and valid to speak about making dreams come true if I came from poverty.
It’s led me to place my worthiness and validation in the trauma and the struggles that I’ve overcome.
Hey.
It can be easy.
You are worthy no matter what.
No matter where you came from, no matter what you did or didn’t overcome, no matter what privilege or struggle you’ve had.
You are worthy no matter how much money you make or don’t make.
You are worthy no matter how easy or hard work is.
You are worthy. You are worthy. You are worthy.
x Mona
My Daily Meditation Practice
I started a daily mindfulness meditation practice a couple months ago after 5 years of meditating on and off and wow, it has brought so much grounding, spaciousness, and clarity into my mind.
It’s a simple practice with 3 steps:
1. Take a seat.
This means coming into your body and into awareness with being here now. I had been meditating with a stack of blankets and pillows, feeling a bit wobbly, and my meditation teacher @dinaviesalazar suggested that I get a buckwheat meditation cushion. This one from @florensicollection came into my life and I freakin loooove it (Frida loves it too 😻 and we both love how it’s a woman owned business based in Austin TX!)
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2. Bring your attention to your breath.
3. Whenever the mind wanders, note it as thinking, and simply return to the breath.
Sooo I’ve been meditating on and off for 5 years and we hear things like “clear your mind” and get caught up in this loop like “oh sh*t I’m thinking again, bad! Go back to the breath!” and all of that mental looping creates more chaos and make us feel like if we think, we’re doing it wrong. I’ve even had people tell me “I’m bad at meditating, I can’t clear my mind.” Haha welllll that’s part of the practice.
It’s a practice of compassion and observation. Our mind naturally wanders and we’re simply the observer to notice where it goes. And when it does wander we simply notice it, and with kindness, gentleness, and compassion, we go back to the breath. Over time, we can keep our attention on our breath for longer and longer, while remembering that every day is different. It’s like weight training for the mind, building the muscle to stay grounded and centered no matter what’s happening around us.
Some days my mind is an unruly child that does NOT want to sit and notice and those days are challenging, but I also know that by simply showing up, I’m creating a pattern of consistency, reliability, and trust within myself.
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The Cauldron of Transformation
Have you ever experienced a moment when the Universe smacks you in the face, like “helloooooo?!?!”
One of my favorite things in life is when I get the same tarot or oracle again and again. It always reminds me of the magic that is always here.
Oh my GODDESS have I got a story for you! Buckle in.
At the beginning of September, my friends Amanda, Candice, Anna, and I went camping and booked a spot at a private campground just outside of San Diego. It was a heatwave weekend at 111 degrees (oh hey angel number!) but we decided to go anyways, knowing it would cool down in the evening. On our way there, when we turned onto the eastbound highway, the view of the mountains opened up before us and we were faced with the biggest pillar of smoke I’ve ever seen. It was a wildfire and we were driving straight towards it.
We called the campground and were reassured that it was far away enough from the fire and we’d have plenty of notice of evacuation if it did make its way towards us.
When we arrived, we were greeted by statues of Kuan Yin and Mother Mary and we knew immediately that the Universe had guided to just the right place. Our campsite was on a desert mountain covered in boulders that looked like they had fallen right out of the sky.
We connected with the land immediately. It was called Big Mother, after all. We all gravitated towards the giant tree on the property and laid down blankets, and created our magical altar with oracle cards, chakra sprays, crystals, and sound healing tools. We transformed the tree into a portal and the Goddess energy was palpable.
Hours into exploring the land, laying naked under the tree eating berries, peeing wherever we wanted, and howling at the moon, we decided to pull some oracle cards from the Goddess Power Oracle deck.
It was clear the Goddesses that came through were ones that all four of us embodied.
Hera brought the message of Alliance.
Athena brought the message of Knowledge.
Shakti brought the message of Transformation.
Kali brought the message of Liberation.
Cerridwyn brought the message of Potential.
And thus begins my journey with Cerridwen and the number 9 knocking down my door.
A few weeks later, a couple days before the Autumn Equinox, I was faced with a challenging decision and consulted the cards for additional affirmation. I went for my old favorite, Gaian Tarot, and fanned the cards out as I usually do. My intuition was pulling me towards the card alllll the way to the left and I kept seeing the number 9. “Pull the 9th card from the left," I heard. I pulled both of them, and then felt called to also pull one from The Goddess Power Oracle.
The first card, the one all the way on the left:
9 - The Hermit
The second card, the 9th one from the left:
6 of Earth, which showed a farmers market… funny enough, I was visiting my parents in Hudson, NY and helping them out at several farmers markets that week.
The third card:
9 - Cerridwyn.
Mind blown yet?? Keep in mind, that there’s 78 cards in Tarot and this Goddess deck has 52 cards in it. What are the freaking chances? Ha but there’s more.
On the Autumn Equinox, my lovely friend and soul sister Dinavie lead a ceremony for a few of us and she asked that we bring one object to represent light/life and one to represent dark/death. Since I was still traveling and didn’t have many sacred objects with me, I decided to bring a couple oracle cards.
I went straight to a different Goddess Oracle deck and I asked…
Who is the Goddess here to represent Light and Life?
Wanna take a wild guess at who came through?
Cerridwen. With the message “Death and Rebirth.”
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And if it couldn’t get any better, the first two lines for her message from the book says “I give you life. I give you death.”
I asked for Life and the Goddess sent me Death (and rebirth and life).
And the number 9 according to numerology.com:
“The energy of the number 9 represents completion, but not finality. Think of it more in a cyclical sense; it's about the ending of one cycle and the potential it creates for another cycle to begin. The 9 in Numerology acts as an usher in this process of transition or transformation, guiding and empowering us with its wisdom.”
So literally death, rebirth, and transformation.
How Are You Celebrating Yourself?
Celebrating you for crossing one thing off your to-do list.
Celebrating you for writing one paragraph of your book.
Celebrating you for sending out that email.
Celebrating you for making one new connection.
It's the little actions that create habits and become a new way of being.
In my work with my clients, we start every session with the question "what are your wins and what are you celebrating?"
We (my clients and myself) all have a pattern of perfectionism.
To only look at what's next without looking back at the work we've accomplished.
To keep our work hidden until it's absolutely perfect before showing it to the world.
To wait and wait and wait in inaction until everything is perfectly lined up, until we get approval, until the moon is in the right phase and all the planets are direct, before we finally DO THE THING.
To accomplish MAJOR things and still think "yeah, but... it could have been better" or "yeah... but I still haven't done XYZ so it's not good enough yet."
If we only wait until the final final final thing is completed or accomplished, we're showing our psyche along the entire journey that it's not good enough. When we finally DO get to that thing we've been wanting, it falls flat and we're dissatisfied. We feel like there should still be more, because that's what we've been training our brain this whole time.
If you have a pattern of perfectionism and imposter syndrome, I invite you to start seeing how you're already doing The Thing, and after each small victory, ask "how can I celebrate this?"
It might be as simple as a 10 second butt shake around your living room, or arms up in the air in a victorious "YES!"
You got this. You are on your way and I'm celebrating you!
x
Mona
Do you ever doubt yourself?
She asked, “do you ever doubt yourself? Or compare yourself?”
And I bust out laughing.
The answer?
Every. Fuckin. Day.
I quit my 9-5 corporate job in October to pursue running my coaching and yoga business full-time while also moving to a new city (all or nothin’ babe).
It has been such a hard journey that’s dug up alllllllllll of my unhealed shadows to be faced. Even things I thought I moved past came up for healing on a deeper level.
The thought, “maybe I should go back into corporate design…” has crossed my mind nearly every single day.
I get caught in the endless scrolling on social media, seeing what the other coaches from my training program are up to and I compare compare compare, feeling shittier with every swipe.
Comparison shows where I am still insecure. It used to be around my body. I would scrutinize how I looked in photos compared to my friends, compared to past versions of myself, never satisfied.
Now it’s around business since I’m not yet where I want to be and wondering every day what I’m doing wrong, forgetting to see what I’m doing right.
I’ve embraced that fear, self-doubt, and comparison are part of the process. Maybe comparison goes away, but fear and self-doubt doesn’t. In honest conversations with people I admire who are doing the things I want to be doing, I’ve learned that fear and doubt still affect them. It shows up every time we edge our comfort zone.
This is where discernment comes into play. Is the doubt and fear showing up because I’m on the wrong path or because I’m doing something new and uncomfortable?
It’s usually the latter.
The knowing that I’m on the RIGHT path is an expansive and grounded sensation in my body.
The fear and doubt of stepping out of my comfort zone show up in my head as racing thoughts and anxiety. It’s heady and airy and spins me dizzy.
I thank the fear for trying to keep me safe within what’s known and familiar. I take a deep breath and remember that I’m capable, that I’ve done hard things before, and that I can trust myself now.
I am safe. I am okay. I can handle anything that comes my way.
Thanks @dariaxtaylor for asking the best questions and taking THE BEST photos of me.
Grief and Joy
And just like that, in a single week, I started a dream job and also laid my dog to rest.
The entire month of July, I was holding so much excitement for life-changing possibilities with the new job AND so much grief as I watched Jeff get sicker by the day, from a high energy dog who could play and run all day to one who could barely stand up or lay down without immense effort.
The practices I’ve done over the years in meditation, yoga, and therapy, have all been training me for this period of time. Every day over the past few weeks, I’ve allowed myself to dive into the depths of grief, to feel my heart ache, and express full-body sobs AND dance and laugh and jump around like a loon overcome with joy.
The depths to which we allow ourselves the gift of feeling our shadows of grief, sadness, anger, guilt, and shame, is the height in which we can experience our light of joy, freedom, abundance, bliss, and love.
It’s okay to feel it all, even at the same time.
Feeling of Fulfilment
That feeling of fulfillment that you’re searching for?
Maybe you’re looking for it in the next job, the perfect partner, where you live, or the next vacation.
But it’s just that- a feeling.
It comes from within you.
From slowing down enough to quiet the external voices.
To clear out the noise long enough to hear your own heart.
It comes from full presence and connection with your inner and outer world.
It’s in hearing your own breath.
It’s in feeling the subtle hum of your body.
It’s in watching a father teach his daughter how to skip rocks.
It’s in the way the sidewalk glitters.
It’s in the sprouts in the cement cracks bursting to the light.
It’s in the fur of your dog’s ear.
Fulfillment is right here, right now.
Pause long enough to feel it.
Re-wire The Feeling Of Not Being Enough
I've been running from the feeling of not-good-enough for my entire life.
My surf buddy pointed out that I bail off my board instead of taking on big waves. I'm afraid of getting dumped teeth first into the sand and getting stuck under. It's a valid fear. But it actually goes so much deeper.
The pattern from childhood was that unless I got 100%, it was met with disapproval.
It's the typical asian parent and/or immigrant parent response.
Even when I was placed in the top 10% of my graduating class, it *still* wasn't good enough because I came in at #39, the last person in the top 10%.
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Instead of getting to celebrate this major accomplishment, I was met with disapproval and comparison to how my friends were doing.
This happened with every grade that came back that wasn't 100%.
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I got tired of trying so fucking hard to be met with disapproval.
It feels safer to not put in my best effort so that if I fall short, at least I could tell myself that I didn't give it my all.
This pattern shows up in nearly everything. Surfing is a small example.
I've noticed it on a much larger scale that's taken a decade to notice.
Professionally, I've been a painter, designer, photographer, yoga teacher, women's circle leader, and life coach.
Each time I cross over the threshold from complete beginner into "I've got a good grasp on what I"m doing now," that fear kicks in and I start comparing, and feeling less-than.
And then I run away.
I push it away.
I find something new.
Anything to not feel that gut-wrenching, shrinking, not-good-enough feeling.
But now that I've noticed this pattern, I'm choosing a different way.
I'm giving myself the acknowledgement that I didn't receive.
Even though this high school top 10% thing was over a decade ago, I'm celebrating for little Mona.
I took myself to the beach (my happy place), and wrote and spoke all the words that I needed to hear.
GREAT JOB!
You're doing awesome!
Keep going.
You are loved.
No matter what you accomplish, you are loved.
You are loved you are loved you are loved.
I'm celebrating every tiny accomplishment to re-wire my brain to understand that it's okay and it's safe to just try things. It's okay and it's safe to not be #1.
It's okay and it's safe.
You are loved.
Regardless of what's happened to us in the past, we have the responsibility and opportunity to change our course for the future.
Redefine Rest
There’s this idea that REST means being at a standstill. And sometimes, yes, that is exactly what our bodies need.
But for some of us, being at a standstill does. not. feel. good. Binge watching tv all day is not a form of rest for me- it’s a sign that I’ve crashed and burned and am overwhelmed and need to turn my brain off. And I don’t usually feel more well rested afterwards. Usually the opposite- filled with guilt that I spent the day doing something that I didn’t actually want to do, but didn’t know how else to cope.
Let’s redefine rest.
What if... rest = flow.
Have you ever done something where time disappears and everything flows? Even if you’ve been “active” or doing something, you are revitalized and energized? I’ve experienced this flow while painting, surfing, doing yoga, and even working! And have heard from others entering this state while running, sailing, hiking.
What if... rest = recharging.
Even our phones need to “rest.” When we charge our phones, we are giving it more energy.
What leaves you feeling refreshed and revitalized- full of life and energy?
So what does rest mean for you? How will you “rest” today?
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Don’t Dig Up In Doubt What Was Planted In Faith
Your soul knows the truth.
You've dreamed the big vision.
You've planted the seeds.
Doubt will come up.
Fear will come up.
It will tell you all the lies of how you can't do it.
It's just trying to keep you safe.
It's keeping you in the comfort zone.
Dreamer, believer, go-getter, visionary, explorer.
You're here for a reason.
You're here to create a new world, a new paradigm.
You're meant to explore the uncharted territories.
To pave the way and be the guiding light for those after you.
You're here to make big changes.
Come back to yourself.
Come back to your higher self.
Come back to your truth.
Hold it.
See it.
Be it.
Keep going.
Don't dig up in doubt what was planted in faith.
Recovering Perfectionist
Perfectionism is not the cause. It's the symptom.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Hi, my name is Mona and I'm a perfectionist.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Recovering. I'm a recovering perfectionist.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This is a description that I've been using as the reason of why I do certain things or why I am the way I am. It's also a crutch and an excuse.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Perfectionism shows up when I share publicly with the world. You probably wouldn't be able to guess it, but it's actually super hard for me to write and post on social media. The perfectionism monster rears its head every time and I have to talk myself through it.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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While being coached by @audramcclelland, she asked me what shows up along with perfectionism. I stated beliefs that I consciously know are false, but my mind still defaults to. There's this belief that this is the *only* chance that I have to share my messages. Scarcity and all-or-nothing. There's the belief that I'll be too much for people. Fear of taking up space and fear of rejection.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Rejection. That was the golden ticket. Perfectionism is not the cause. For me, it's actually the symptom of a fear of rejection. It always comes back to these core wounds.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I feel the need to get things perfect because historically in my life, I've been rejected for not being perfect. I've been rejected for taking up space, for being too wild. Culturally, Chinese women have been rejected for simply being female.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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The journey continues to learn to accept all parts of myself.
Facing the Fear
We hear these words.
We say these words.
I just have to toughen up and get over it.
I just need to push through the fear.
But what if...
We met our fear.
What if instead of trying to barrel through it,
We allowed ourselves to stop,
And look at it.
Meet it.
Just at the edge
of our comfort zone.
We just might discover
It’s not the thing itself that we’re afraid of
But something much deeper
A fear of rejection
A fear of abandonment
A fear of betrayal
Can you allow yourself to meet the fear?
Can you allow yourself to be gentle with it?
A precious pearl
A budding flower
See the part of you that is scared
Be the person you’ve always needed
Say the words you’ve always needed
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
You’re okay.
People Pleaser
As a recovering people-pleaser (and maybe it's my Libra moon), I want everything to be harmonious all the time.
For years, I prided myself on being a chameleon, being able to adapt to every situation.
But what was actually happening was that I was avoiding confrontation by sacrificing myself, my needs, and wants.
It was a trauma response.
I was afraid someone would get angry with me if I spoke up and what I wanted was different than what they wanted.
So I hid myself and shrank smaller and smaller.
It was better to be unseen. A chameleon.
To me, someone being angry at me meant that I was not safe.
Speaking up = unsafe.
This is a deep rooted belief in our collective. Especially in those of us who have faced oppression and hyper-criticism first hand. Especially in those of us who have ancestral and past lives living in oppression. Especially in intuitive women who may have past lives as healers or witches.
As I've walked this self-love and spiritual journey for the past 5 years, I've shed the layers of trauma and pain that were covering up the real me.
It started with a small group of women.
I whispered my deepest secrets and deepest pain to them that I had been holding onto for a decade.
I was seen. I was held. I was received. I was loved.
I started to speak my truth to more people that I felt safe with.
Each time, I was seen. I was held. I was received. I was loved.
My world was shaken up in 2017 when I realized the place I felt most unsafe was in my home. I couldn't speak up with my partner at the time without being received with hostility and anger.
I had to choose.
The most heart-wrenching choice I had ever made.
I chose myself, my health, my safety.
I continued to choose myself and people who would receive me with love, people with whom I could be myself.
The darkness started to ebb away, revealing the light that has been in me all along.
May you find safety to speak up. Your voice is needed. Your vision is needed. Your light is needed.
You Are Your Own Guru
You are your own guru. Everything is already within you. Sweet soul, the answers that you're searching for are already within you, waiting to be uncovered and discovered. There is wisdom to be found in all that you do. There are lifetimes and generations of wisdom within you waiting to be awakened. All you need to do is get quiet enough to listen. To quiet the mind that has accumulated the voices of others telling you what to do, to quiet the voices that criticize and tell you that you can't. It's an excavation of messy, scattered, habitual, patterned thoughts, until you reach the nectar of truth. You feel it in your bones. You feel it in your heart. You feel it in your very being. You know. Remember your own wisdom and your own truth. You are your own guru.
Guru means bringer of light, dispeller of darkness.
Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo.
I bow to the Creative Wisdom, I bow to the Divine Teacher within.
Questions for contemplation:
How can I be my own guru?
What have I been told about how I "should" live life that does not resonate with me?
What do I believe?
How can I find the answers within?
What is causing me to think that I am not enough and that I need to look outside of myself?
Debt Regrets
What is your biggest debt regret?
My biggest debt regret was not a single instance but a series of mistakes that all stemmed from a lack of boundaries. It was the inability to say No, the fear of consequences if I did say No. The lack of boundaries manifested in many different ways in my life, but here are two relevant to money:
* The fear of missing out: making plans with friends and going to expensive restaurants and places, even when I didn't have the money for it. * The fear of someone else's reactions: buying things for them that I didn't agree on out of fear of being guilt-tripped.
Through these regrets, I learned ways to spend time with friends that didn't involve spending money that I didn't have. I got comfortable with the idea that I won't be able to do it all right now. I learned that my friends will still be friends even if I didn't have the money to do all sorts of things with them. I learned that someone else's reactions are about themselves and not about me. I learned to be okay with someone else's reactions. I learned that guilt is a powerful motivator and if someone is guilt-tripping me about something, it's probably not a healthy dynamic and that I am out of alignment with what I actually want.
What are your biggest debt regrets? What are the lessons that you learned?
Do any of these resonate with you or leave you with more questions? Comment or DM me! I'm working on a library of resources and want to know the areas where you'd like guidance.
Money is Energy
I used to believe “money is the root of all evil” and that people who had money had to sell their souls to get money.
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I was longing for a life where I could travel, which requires money and/or time. But with my beliefs around money, I was pushing it away from me, thinking that if I had money, that would mean I had to do bad things in order to attain it. It was conflicting.
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Money is energy. It doesn’t make someone a good or bad person if they have it. We get to choose how we use it.
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How do you want to use money?
Their Criticism Is Not You
Sweet soul, the cutting criticisms you've endured throughout your life- they are not you.
They are often a reflection of the inner state of the person who spoke them.
They were in pain and they wanted you to see their pain.
They wanted to be acknowledged, and they lassoed you to join them in their pain.
You don't have to stay there.
You don't have to stay there.
You don't have to stay there.
Remember the good that you are.
You don't have to spend your life proving them wrong.
Perhaps those criticisms told you were too bright, too much,
and that you needed to dim down for those around you.
No.
Shine.
Shine bright,
because the world needs your light.
Allow those who are searching for light to come to you.
You don't have to fix them.
They are not your responsibility.
You simply have to be you.
Do what you do.
Be who you are.
Speak truth and kindness.
May light-seekers be inspired your light to find their own.
You are whole and complete.
You are good enough.
You are exactly where you need to be.
Fear and courage
FEAR AND COURAGE
Courage: doing the scary thing despite the fear.
I'm scared of something every single day. It ranges from a phobia, to the moldy fruit at the bottom of the refrigerator drawer, to not having enough money. Fortunately, I don't have to be scared of being eaten by a lion like our ancestors, or not having food, shelter, or water. But I fear that I might not be successful in my own business someday, and it awakens the dear old friends of Perfectionism and Inner Critic.
Perfectionism nudges me, "If you're going to put something out there, it has to be the perfect time, the perfect place, the perfect words. I mean, if it's not going to be absolutely perfect and efficient, then you're just wasting your time. What's the point otherwise? Everyone will see you're a fraud." Perfectionism is also best friends with Imposter Syndrome. It stops me in my tracks as I scramble to make everything just so.
Then Inner Critic jumps at the chance, taking the baton and running with it. It plants seeds of doubt and unworthiness. It whispers "Who are you to be doing this? There's no way you'll be able to make enough money. Someone else is already doing what you want to do. What's the point? You need to be more realistic." I notice that my body starts to shrink- my shoulders hunch forward, everything seems so much bigger than me, and I withdraw into myself.
The Fear, Perfectionism, and Inner Critic- they may always be there but I don't have to listen to them. They're the friend or family member that's always giving us terrible, unsolicited advice to keep us small, to dim our light. Just because they don't see the possibilities and potential, doesn't mean we have to blindfold ourselves too.
Right now, I do feel small. I'm standing at the bottom of a giant mountain and I can't see the peak. I have no idea what lies ahead. There could be dragons to slay, mudslides, and dead ends.
But I've walked up other mountains in the past. Yes, there were hard times. Sometimes, I had a guide that lit the way ahead, sometimes I walked with a friend beside me, sometimes I walked alone, and sometimes I had no map or compass. But I made it through each time. And that feeling of standing at a peak with the open sky above- accomplished, free, expansive, on top of the world. I know it's there and I know it's possible.
I'm telling those unhelpful friends of Fear, Perfectionism, and Inner Critic, "thanks but no thanks." I'm leaning into the fear. I'm filling my body up with that expansive energy. Shoulders back and head high, one foot in front of the other. I'm re-aligning myself with that expansive energy every time the Inner Critic wants to push me down.
I'm looking fear in the face, "Yeah, you scare me a whole lot. But I'm gonna do it anyways and it's going to be okay. It's going to be more than okay. It's going to be beautiful, and magical, and so much fun."