Alessandra, Amanda, and I walked in silence to this natural pool, Devil’s Eye, also called the Piscina. It was 7am, our dedicated quiet time, and the sun was just waking up. It was the dawn of our second full day on the island and it already felt like we had journeyed through lifetimes of love and grief, and joy and rage.
We jumped from the ledge, one by one, still in awe of the beauty of the island. Ally whispered to us that from she the spot she jumped from, the pool looked like an inverted heart. I contemplated that imagery as I floated and started to feel tension ebb from my body. A heart. I felt like I was being held in Gaia's heart. Our earth mother's heart.
With my ears just below the surface, I could hear a delicate crackling sound. It was coming from the underwater pebbles skipping across rocks as the tide gently eased in and out. I could feel Gaia holding me, whispering to me, "let go... let go... let go..." I felt my body soften just a little bit more, the water taking my pain, my grief, my anger, and dissolving it in its current.
The sun was still coming up and had only illuminated half the pool into brilliant turquoise. The other half was still a deep navy blue. As I drifted into the navy water, I felt my body tightening again. Needing to flee. Fear. I was afraid of the dark water. I was afraid of the dark crevices at the edges. I paddled myself back into the light again, feeling safer. But why? What was I afraid of?
My breathe was loud with my ears beneath the surface. My body would float upward as I filled my lungs, and sink as the air reunited with the sky. What was I afraid of? I was afraid of something from the depths of the water that I couldn't see coming up to grab me. I knew there was nothing there except maybe a small school of silver fish. But the darkness. I was afraid of the darkness because I didn't know what was there.
The unknown. That was my fear. I've been through dark times and have no problems with diving deep into my past and my trauma. But the unknown. The future. The uncertainty. That's my biggest fear.
It was time to go. To be in our own thoughts and bodies as we walked back and got ready for our morning practice at the yoga shala. We walked into the unknown, trusting ourselves and trusting each other for the magic that was about to unfold.