Peace is Inside

I used to be all externally focused.

A serious case of wanderlust, worrying about other people and their problems as a way to avoid my own, constantly being busy so that I wouldn't be with my own thoughts for too long, and only concerned with how my body looked with no awareness of how it felt.

I've started to find a balance. I still want to travel but so that I can observe other cultures and learn about them rather than for an escape from my reality.

I don't worry about what other people are doing.

I have acceptance of different points of views.

I've found peace in being at home and being comfortable with the quiet moments.

I stopped saying yes to every opportunity that came my way and thought about whether it's something I truly want to do or if it is out of guilt or a feeling of obligation.

I've found love for my body, awareness of how certain foods make me feel in both my digestion and my mood, how those foods affect my skin.

I've found appreciation for my thick thighs and wide shoulders and all the natural strength that comes with them.

The peace was inside of me all along, I had to peel back the layers, shed limiting beliefs, and live by my own truth to find it. 

We Are Light

Today I am grateful for my voice. 

We all want the same things: love, freedom and happiness.

Right now, I feel betrayed.

I am angry, sad, and scared and these feelings mimic the general consensus of what I'm seeing on my facebook feed.

These feelings all root back to one thing:

Fear Fuels Hate.

Hate and blame are backed by anger.

Anger that makes us look strong but is masking deep sadness.

It's okay to show that sadness. It doesn't mean weakness.

It means grief. It means a fear of loss.

Fear of the loss of our freedoms, our voice and our safety.

Fear of the loss of security and the fear of the unknown.

This fear fuels hate.

No matter where you stand on this presidential election, let's try and understand the "other side."

The opinions of the people that disagree with you.

Through understanding, compassion and acceptance, we can pave the way to love, freedom and happiness.

My fellow light-bringers - continue to shine your messages of love, acceptance and understanding. 

My fellow peaceful warriors - continue to stand for freedom. 

My fellow happiness advocates - continue to speak the truth and uplift this nation and human consciousness.

What Yoga Taught Me About Self-Love

What is self-love?

First, how do we show others that we love them? Accept them exactly as they are, listen, protect, show affection, and so much more. Self-love is applying this same level of love to ourselves. My journey towards deeper self-love has taken years of making tiny changes, lots of mistakes, and many shifts in mindset shifts. When I made yoga a part of my daily life two years ago, it cultivated my loving body awareness.

I accept myself.

You are enough, I am enough. There will always be a more challenging pose to master. My practice began with trying to attain the next pose in the Ashtanga Yoga sequence and putting it into my “Bank of Poses.” Being able to do a perfect handstand doesn't make someone a better person. Although working towards a goal and improving are wonderful things, it can stir a great amount of discontent when our minds are only goal oriented, forward looking. I'll be happy when... I can do a handstand. I'll be happy when... I get that raise. I'll be happy when… There is an implication that you are not good enough and you need to be better. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. You are enough, I am enough. Right now, at this very moment. Acceptance and improvement are not mutually exclusive. We can love and accept ourselves and improve. I learned to accept by cultivating gratitude. I have big strong legs to hold me in Warrior I. My strong core protects my organs and my willpower. I have a soft heart that is capable of giving and receiving love. I have arms that help lift others up! By acknowledging the gifts in my life and my body, I am able to create space to invite bountiful positivity and growth.

I listen to my body.

How do we listen to our bodies? They change from day to day. A pose that I could do yesterday may not happen today, but might happen tomorrow! Some days I can do a split, other days, no way! By cultivating awareness in my body through my yoga practice, I became more attune to the subtle changes that food would have on my digestion and my state mind. Some days, I just want some soup and salad. Other days, I need a big juicy burger with a side of mashed potatoes and I enjoy every bite of it without guilt. Our bodies are affected by the changing of the seasons, and I adjust my food and my exercise to accommodate. Beyond my body, I learned how to listen by distinguishing what aligned with my authentic self and let go of what didn't without guilt. I act with intention and purpose. MY purpose. Not my mom's, best friend's or boyfriend's. My own. I act with my values of peace, joy, love, abundance and authenticity. When it doesn't align, I am able to say "no" with ease. Loving ourselves is being true to ourselves, and this begins with listening.

I protect my body and show it affection.

For 2 years, I set the intention to wake up early for yoga every day. Some days it happened, some it didn't. It was inconsistent. I had an expectation for how the practice should look: 1.5 hours of sweaty Ashtanga yoga. That's extremely challenging for me to do every single day, work a full time job and have a social life. Eventually, I let go of the expectations and decided that some movement was better than no movement. I created a flexible morning routine that means waking up at the same time and doing yoga but the style and length of time that I practice fluctuates with how I'm feeling that day. Slowly and over time, I added meditation to this morning routine by shortening my practice just 5 or 10 minutes. My flexible morning routine protects my body, and shows it affection. 

Thank you, yoga.

Yoga has helped me find acceptance, listen and protect my body, and show myself loving affection. By cultivating body awareness, I was able to translate the metaphors that were occurring in my physical practice to bring them off the mat and into my life. Yoga inspires me every day. If you are searching for a more loving connection with your body, try stepping onto the yoga mat and find a style that works for your lifestyle, body and mind. Love shows up in different forms for everyone. Other ways of showing ourselves love could be lifting weights, reading a book, taking a walk around the block, going fishing, taking a bath, or taking pleasure in the food that we eat and not feeling guilty about it. All with purpose and intention.

Peaceful Warrior

Is peace something that we have to search for, something we have to work at to attain? Or is it something we are in our truest nature when you peel back the layers, at our very core, sitting alongside love and joy?

Maybe it's both. Searching and looking within, working at chipping away at all the ways life has hardened us to find our peaceful nature. 

I'm probably known as the happy go lucky yoga girl with bubblegum pink hair that loves puppies more than anything, but just like UniKitty from the Lego Movie, I have my shadow side and it reveals itself as explosive rage. The rage that comes from a deep place of pain, sadness, and unworthiness.

One of my favorite lines from @kinoyoga's primary series video is

"Dedicate yourself to making this world a more peaceful place, one breath at a time."

This line hits me so hard every time because I truly want to do good in this world. In order to bring about any positivity in the world, I have to start with myself, find peace within myself first. Then hopefully, maybe I can start to inspire those around me to find peace and do good. I keep the understanding that the people on this same path will appear in my life and those who are not will distance themselves.

That is okay. 

Joyful Awakening

Sukhava Bodhe means Joyful Awakening.

This colorful, loving, supportive and accepting community is exactly what I needed for my lately heavy heart to feel lighter.

During the first full day at the festival, we did yoga, danced, took a yoga class that turned into a dance party, sang. We attended a fire ceremony for acknowledging and releasing aspects of our shadow side (fear, anger, shame, ego, grief) to make space for more light (love, joy, peace, courage, truth), walked through a candlelit labyrinth with intention, ate food made with love, and met amazing people. I was overcome with gratitude for this community. I have never been surrounded by so many people where I truly felt like I could be myself without fear of judgement.

I took in the beauty of sky, water and trees around me. My teacher's beautiful voice and skillful notes on the harmonioum carried a devotional mantra right into my heart. I did not feel like I had to close my eyes in order to escape to another world or retreat into myself. Everything around me was perfect, every person around me was and is perfectly imperfect and I am perfectly imperfect. We set aside everything to be there in that moment to share our love, joy and acceptance with each other. I am safe. I am enough. I am free. I am loving. I am loved. 

The first day's experiences of feeling safe and accepted allowed for the second day to unfold into new experiences and learning to trust. Catherine and I had the honor of assisting Amy during her Ashtanga class. Every time I teach or assist, it's a lesson and practice for me as well. Stepping into confidence in myself and my abilities. Fuck yeah, I can do this! Accepting that others put their trust in me, holding that trust with so much care to keep them safe. I rested, ate more food made with love, and met more people in a ceremony of sharing and community. More new experiences in trust with Heather in ceremony, with Tatiana in acro yoga therapy, in myself, the pond and the board for being able to do yoga on a stand up paddle board! We danced some more, sang some more, yoga'd some more and threw color at each other in the Holi Color Fest, creating a brilliant explosion of youthful joy!

Don't Dig Up in Doubt What You Planted in Faith

One year ago to the day, I had a crazy thought that thrilled me and scared me. I wrote it down so I would not forget:

"I want to become a yoga instructor. I want to open my own studio. I want to be able to someday do what i love all day to be able to support us."

Months later, actions were taken to put this seemingly far-fetched dream into motion. I did all the research and put in the time, energy and effort and I am now about about 6 weeks away from graduating from my 200 hour yoga teacher training.

It astounds me how much I have grown over the past year and I'm intrigued at what the future might bring. I know there is still much more work to be done to make this dream a reality. As with any journey, there are highs and lows. I'm putting into practice how to experience everything that comes up, both the good and the bad, rather than suppressing the bad. There are still some difficult emotions that I'm not ready to deal with yet but maybe someday. Despite all of that, I love every step of this journey that is setting my heart free. I've never been so sure of anything else in my life and it makes me feel ALIVE.

"Don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith."

Transformation

Happenstance or kismet? 

On Saturday, my YTT class picked spirit animal cards. Out of a deck of 50 or so, my friend Cat and I both got the butterfly as our spirit animal. When I came into work today, I was given this gift from my co-worker who just got back from Costa Rica. I have not spoken to her about butterflies or my spirit animal. It couldn't be more fitting and it made my day. 
Here's what my butterfly card said:

TRANSFORMATION

"Get ready for a big breakthrough"

"It's very possible to go through major changes calmly and willingly when you view them as natural and hold relentless positive expectations. Whether in the darkness before the storm of emergence, the process of coming out of the self-created cocoon (which occasions some struggle at times), or the full and glorious expression of the new "you," it's faith in the wisdom of Great Spirit and your conscious resonance with Source that will be your guiding force. There's no need to identify with or feel constricted within the cocoon or by the darkness before the light—it's only a phase! The truth is that you're birthing each and every moment. Yet sometimes there are larger cycles that incorporate so many unexpected twists and turns that it can at times seem momentous and frightening. You may feel scattered, uncertain, flitting from this to that, with seemingly no thread of continuity that you can grab hold of. It's worth it to pause at those times, enjoy the richness and beauty of it all, and have absolute trust that this is a natural progression for your soul's development. What is coming to fruition each and every time is more and more of the true Self that is your destiny."

Additional associations: Rebirth; Vibrancy; Reincarnation; Colorfulness