How Do You Want to FEEL?

How do you want to feel?

What will you do to feel the way you want to feel?

I ask myself these questions almost every day as a way of checking in with myself. Three answers always come up- Peace, Joy, and Love. Yeah, it's all rainbows and butterflies, but it's so much more. 

Peace

For me, peace means living with ease, being well rested, quiet, zen, safety, security, care-free, freedom to be myself. It's a quiet feeling, where I can fully relax, breathe, and know that all is well. 

Joy

For me, joy means feeling alive, looking at the world with awe, feeling inspired, excited, happy, motivated, freedom to explore, learn, and grow. It's expansive, big, like I can do anything, running through the fields with arms wide open kind of feeling. 

Love

For me, love feels like belonging, being fully accepted, being seen and heard, gratitude, giving, serving, connection. 

Connection

I keep coming back to connection. What does connection mean to me?

It means being first and foremost connected with myself- in body, mind and spirit. I do this through self-care practices of yoga, meditation, journaling, oracle cards, dance, food, therapy, learning, sleep, being in nature, in solitude.

When I have fulfilled my basic needs and am feeling centered and clear, I can move outside of my own body into my physical surroundings and connect with others- my relationships, my home, my work space, and more nature.

When I feel connected to the people in my life and my surroundings, I can give even more and I ask what can I offer the world? What am I naturally talented at? What do I love doing? How can I combine those and serve my community?

It starts within and moves outwards, expanding infinitely with love. 💖🦋✨🌈☀️🌴🌱💚

Happiness is Not A Place

Loving life, loving this pose. I’m so grateful for my job and all the amazing people there. Reflecting (again) on the past year and all the changes that have occurred, I was so impatient to start teaching yoga full time and while it’s still my dream, I’m okay with letting it happen more organically, working at it a little each day with joy in my heart rather than trying to force things through gritted teeth. Taking my own advice, happiness is not a place of “I’ll be happy when ______ (fill in the blank).” It is cultivated each and every day through our thoughts, emotions and actions. A job does not determine my happiness but on this team, with this group of people, I feel like I can be myself. That ability to be authentic, for me, is freedom, peace, joy and love.

Peace is Inside

I used to be all externally focused.

A serious case of wanderlust, worrying about other people and their problems as a way to avoid my own, constantly being busy so that I wouldn't be with my own thoughts for too long, and only concerned with how my body looked with no awareness of how it felt.

I've started to find a balance. I still want to travel but so that I can observe other cultures and learn about them rather than for an escape from my reality.

I don't worry about what other people are doing.

I have acceptance of different points of views.

I've found peace in being at home and being comfortable with the quiet moments.

I stopped saying yes to every opportunity that came my way and thought about whether it's something I truly want to do or if it is out of guilt or a feeling of obligation.

I've found love for my body, awareness of how certain foods make me feel in both my digestion and my mood, how those foods affect my skin.

I've found appreciation for my thick thighs and wide shoulders and all the natural strength that comes with them.

The peace was inside of me all along, I had to peel back the layers, shed limiting beliefs, and live by my own truth to find it. 

Peaceful Warrior

Is peace something that we have to search for, something we have to work at to attain? Or is it something we are in our truest nature when you peel back the layers, at our very core, sitting alongside love and joy?

Maybe it's both. Searching and looking within, working at chipping away at all the ways life has hardened us to find our peaceful nature. 

I'm probably known as the happy go lucky yoga girl with bubblegum pink hair that loves puppies more than anything, but just like UniKitty from the Lego Movie, I have my shadow side and it reveals itself as explosive rage. The rage that comes from a deep place of pain, sadness, and unworthiness.

One of my favorite lines from @kinoyoga's primary series video is

"Dedicate yourself to making this world a more peaceful place, one breath at a time."

This line hits me so hard every time because I truly want to do good in this world. In order to bring about any positivity in the world, I have to start with myself, find peace within myself first. Then hopefully, maybe I can start to inspire those around me to find peace and do good. I keep the understanding that the people on this same path will appear in my life and those who are not will distance themselves.

That is okay.