How Do You Want to FEEL?

How do you want to feel?

What will you do to feel the way you want to feel?

I ask myself these questions almost every day as a way of checking in with myself. Three answers always come up- Peace, Joy, and Love. Yeah, it's all rainbows and butterflies, but it's so much more. 

Peace

For me, peace means living with ease, being well rested, quiet, zen, safety, security, care-free, freedom to be myself. It's a quiet feeling, where I can fully relax, breathe, and know that all is well. 

Joy

For me, joy means feeling alive, looking at the world with awe, feeling inspired, excited, happy, motivated, freedom to explore, learn, and grow. It's expansive, big, like I can do anything, running through the fields with arms wide open kind of feeling. 

Love

For me, love feels like belonging, being fully accepted, being seen and heard, gratitude, giving, serving, connection. 

Connection

I keep coming back to connection. What does connection mean to me?

It means being first and foremost connected with myself- in body, mind and spirit. I do this through self-care practices of yoga, meditation, journaling, oracle cards, dance, food, therapy, learning, sleep, being in nature, in solitude.

When I have fulfilled my basic needs and am feeling centered and clear, I can move outside of my own body into my physical surroundings and connect with others- my relationships, my home, my work space, and more nature.

When I feel connected to the people in my life and my surroundings, I can give even more and I ask what can I offer the world? What am I naturally talented at? What do I love doing? How can I combine those and serve my community?

It starts within and moves outwards, expanding infinitely with love. 💖🦋✨🌈☀️🌴🌱💚

What Does Love Mean To You?

For years, I had taken someone else's belief about love as my own truth. "Love is when you care about someone so much that you would sacrifice anything for them." Sounds poetic. But upon further investigation, I realized something deeply disturbing about this belief. It's incredibly exclusive. With this belief, I couldn't love very many people. There were few people that I was willing to sacrifice anything for. It exposed me to manipulation. It became a game and a power trip. He used this definition of love to boast about how much he had sacrificed for me as a way of showing me how much he loved me. If I wasn't sacrificing enough, then I wasn't really proving that I loved him enough. "If you loved me, you would..." I did everything he wanted in order to try and prove my love. In the end, it wasn't enough. It was never enough and it would never be enough. 

How is it possible to love yourself with this belief?

I was so desperate and hungry for love I that took anything that sounded romantic and ran with it. 

I've spent the past few years learning how to love myself, becoming comfortable with telling my best friends that I love them, becoming comfortable with being more free and open with my love. I read the following quote yesterday and it is now one of my many NEW definitions of love. 

Love is gratitude to someone for the grace of their presence on this Earth, without expecting anything in return.
-Camille, This American Girl

I love you. Yes, you. ✨💛

Happiness is Not A Place

Loving life, loving this pose. I’m so grateful for my job and all the amazing people there. Reflecting (again) on the past year and all the changes that have occurred, I was so impatient to start teaching yoga full time and while it’s still my dream, I’m okay with letting it happen more organically, working at it a little each day with joy in my heart rather than trying to force things through gritted teeth. Taking my own advice, happiness is not a place of “I’ll be happy when ______ (fill in the blank).” It is cultivated each and every day through our thoughts, emotions and actions. A job does not determine my happiness but on this team, with this group of people, I feel like I can be myself. That ability to be authentic, for me, is freedom, peace, joy and love.

We Are Light

Today I am grateful for my voice. 

We all want the same things: love, freedom and happiness.

Right now, I feel betrayed.

I am angry, sad, and scared and these feelings mimic the general consensus of what I'm seeing on my facebook feed.

These feelings all root back to one thing:

Fear Fuels Hate.

Hate and blame are backed by anger.

Anger that makes us look strong but is masking deep sadness.

It's okay to show that sadness. It doesn't mean weakness.

It means grief. It means a fear of loss.

Fear of the loss of our freedoms, our voice and our safety.

Fear of the loss of security and the fear of the unknown.

This fear fuels hate.

No matter where you stand on this presidential election, let's try and understand the "other side."

The opinions of the people that disagree with you.

Through understanding, compassion and acceptance, we can pave the way to love, freedom and happiness.

My fellow light-bringers - continue to shine your messages of love, acceptance and understanding. 

My fellow peaceful warriors - continue to stand for freedom. 

My fellow happiness advocates - continue to speak the truth and uplift this nation and human consciousness.

What Yoga Taught Me About Self-Love

What is self-love?

First, how do we show others that we love them? Accept them exactly as they are, listen, protect, show affection, and so much more. Self-love is applying this same level of love to ourselves. My journey towards deeper self-love has taken years of making tiny changes, lots of mistakes, and many shifts in mindset shifts. When I made yoga a part of my daily life two years ago, it cultivated my loving body awareness.

I accept myself.

You are enough, I am enough. There will always be a more challenging pose to master. My practice began with trying to attain the next pose in the Ashtanga Yoga sequence and putting it into my “Bank of Poses.” Being able to do a perfect handstand doesn't make someone a better person. Although working towards a goal and improving are wonderful things, it can stir a great amount of discontent when our minds are only goal oriented, forward looking. I'll be happy when... I can do a handstand. I'll be happy when... I get that raise. I'll be happy when… There is an implication that you are not good enough and you need to be better. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. You are enough, I am enough. Right now, at this very moment. Acceptance and improvement are not mutually exclusive. We can love and accept ourselves and improve. I learned to accept by cultivating gratitude. I have big strong legs to hold me in Warrior I. My strong core protects my organs and my willpower. I have a soft heart that is capable of giving and receiving love. I have arms that help lift others up! By acknowledging the gifts in my life and my body, I am able to create space to invite bountiful positivity and growth.

I listen to my body.

How do we listen to our bodies? They change from day to day. A pose that I could do yesterday may not happen today, but might happen tomorrow! Some days I can do a split, other days, no way! By cultivating awareness in my body through my yoga practice, I became more attune to the subtle changes that food would have on my digestion and my state mind. Some days, I just want some soup and salad. Other days, I need a big juicy burger with a side of mashed potatoes and I enjoy every bite of it without guilt. Our bodies are affected by the changing of the seasons, and I adjust my food and my exercise to accommodate. Beyond my body, I learned how to listen by distinguishing what aligned with my authentic self and let go of what didn't without guilt. I act with intention and purpose. MY purpose. Not my mom's, best friend's or boyfriend's. My own. I act with my values of peace, joy, love, abundance and authenticity. When it doesn't align, I am able to say "no" with ease. Loving ourselves is being true to ourselves, and this begins with listening.

I protect my body and show it affection.

For 2 years, I set the intention to wake up early for yoga every day. Some days it happened, some it didn't. It was inconsistent. I had an expectation for how the practice should look: 1.5 hours of sweaty Ashtanga yoga. That's extremely challenging for me to do every single day, work a full time job and have a social life. Eventually, I let go of the expectations and decided that some movement was better than no movement. I created a flexible morning routine that means waking up at the same time and doing yoga but the style and length of time that I practice fluctuates with how I'm feeling that day. Slowly and over time, I added meditation to this morning routine by shortening my practice just 5 or 10 minutes. My flexible morning routine protects my body, and shows it affection. 

Thank you, yoga.

Yoga has helped me find acceptance, listen and protect my body, and show myself loving affection. By cultivating body awareness, I was able to translate the metaphors that were occurring in my physical practice to bring them off the mat and into my life. Yoga inspires me every day. If you are searching for a more loving connection with your body, try stepping onto the yoga mat and find a style that works for your lifestyle, body and mind. Love shows up in different forms for everyone. Other ways of showing ourselves love could be lifting weights, reading a book, taking a walk around the block, going fishing, taking a bath, or taking pleasure in the food that we eat and not feeling guilty about it. All with purpose and intention.