How Do You Want to FEEL?

How do you want to feel?

What will you do to feel the way you want to feel?

I ask myself these questions almost every day as a way of checking in with myself. Three answers always come up- Peace, Joy, and Love. Yeah, it's all rainbows and butterflies, but it's so much more. 

Peace

For me, peace means living with ease, being well rested, quiet, zen, safety, security, care-free, freedom to be myself. It's a quiet feeling, where I can fully relax, breathe, and know that all is well. 

Joy

For me, joy means feeling alive, looking at the world with awe, feeling inspired, excited, happy, motivated, freedom to explore, learn, and grow. It's expansive, big, like I can do anything, running through the fields with arms wide open kind of feeling. 

Love

For me, love feels like belonging, being fully accepted, being seen and heard, gratitude, giving, serving, connection. 

Connection

I keep coming back to connection. What does connection mean to me?

It means being first and foremost connected with myself- in body, mind and spirit. I do this through self-care practices of yoga, meditation, journaling, oracle cards, dance, food, therapy, learning, sleep, being in nature, in solitude.

When I have fulfilled my basic needs and am feeling centered and clear, I can move outside of my own body into my physical surroundings and connect with others- my relationships, my home, my work space, and more nature.

When I feel connected to the people in my life and my surroundings, I can give even more and I ask what can I offer the world? What am I naturally talented at? What do I love doing? How can I combine those and serve my community?

It starts within and moves outwards, expanding infinitely with love. 💖🦋✨🌈☀️🌴🌱💚

Reminders of Gratitude and Joy

The combination of winter blues and being surrounded by negativity has made it challenging to find gratitude and silver linings. As hard as I try to not let it affect me, it seeps in. I was doing almost everything the articles recommended to combat seasonal depression but the past few weeks have dragged on and it took all my might to get through each day. I found myself compiling a list of complaints in my mind of what I would usually perceive as minor inconveniences, but I had built them up in my head as something bigger. I wanted to tell someone and get sympathy for how the world seemed to be stacked up against me. It’s not. At all. I have so much to be grateful for. 

I was in a Yin Yoga training this weekend and our homework was to write down 11 things we are grateful for and 11 things that bring us joy. It helped to shift my perspective. We sat in a circle and shared 3 from each list. I got to hear 108 beautiful and heartwarming reminders of gratitude and joy. Here’s the 11 from my lists. I could easily write 108 for each.

I am grateful for:

• how warm my apartment is
• where I am in my life right now
• the people in my life and how supportive they are
• feeling like i belong here
• my body that is strong, healthy, flexible, and capable
• the privilege and opportunity to live in this city that is so full of life, culture, brilliant minds, inspiring people, and a like-minded community
• the easy access to good food and water
• my education
• the freedom to be myself and choose the life that I want to live
• the privilege I was born into and the inner strength and resilience that have helped me to where I am now
• my teachers

My joys are:

• the twinkly lights in my room that transform it into a magical world
• the sunlight that bathes my beautiful, peaceful, spacious home
• dog paws
• a good cup of tea
• the trees, squirrels, and bunnies in my neighborhood
• the layer of fresh snow that lines the trees
• majestic sunsets and sunrises
• stomach splitting laughter with my friends
• waking up in my own time to morning light, gauzy curtains, and warm, soft kisses
• the safety and contentment I feel in a tight embrace with my partner
• dancing wildly and freely

Happiness is Not A Place

Loving life, loving this pose. I’m so grateful for my job and all the amazing people there. Reflecting (again) on the past year and all the changes that have occurred, I was so impatient to start teaching yoga full time and while it’s still my dream, I’m okay with letting it happen more organically, working at it a little each day with joy in my heart rather than trying to force things through gritted teeth. Taking my own advice, happiness is not a place of “I’ll be happy when ______ (fill in the blank).” It is cultivated each and every day through our thoughts, emotions and actions. A job does not determine my happiness but on this team, with this group of people, I feel like I can be myself. That ability to be authentic, for me, is freedom, peace, joy and love.

We Are Light

Today I am grateful for my voice. 

We all want the same things: love, freedom and happiness.

Right now, I feel betrayed.

I am angry, sad, and scared and these feelings mimic the general consensus of what I'm seeing on my facebook feed.

These feelings all root back to one thing:

Fear Fuels Hate.

Hate and blame are backed by anger.

Anger that makes us look strong but is masking deep sadness.

It's okay to show that sadness. It doesn't mean weakness.

It means grief. It means a fear of loss.

Fear of the loss of our freedoms, our voice and our safety.

Fear of the loss of security and the fear of the unknown.

This fear fuels hate.

No matter where you stand on this presidential election, let's try and understand the "other side."

The opinions of the people that disagree with you.

Through understanding, compassion and acceptance, we can pave the way to love, freedom and happiness.

My fellow light-bringers - continue to shine your messages of love, acceptance and understanding. 

My fellow peaceful warriors - continue to stand for freedom. 

My fellow happiness advocates - continue to speak the truth and uplift this nation and human consciousness.

Joyful Awakening

Sukhava Bodhe means Joyful Awakening.

This colorful, loving, supportive and accepting community is exactly what I needed for my lately heavy heart to feel lighter.

During the first full day at the festival, we did yoga, danced, took a yoga class that turned into a dance party, sang. We attended a fire ceremony for acknowledging and releasing aspects of our shadow side (fear, anger, shame, ego, grief) to make space for more light (love, joy, peace, courage, truth), walked through a candlelit labyrinth with intention, ate food made with love, and met amazing people. I was overcome with gratitude for this community. I have never been surrounded by so many people where I truly felt like I could be myself without fear of judgement.

I took in the beauty of sky, water and trees around me. My teacher's beautiful voice and skillful notes on the harmonioum carried a devotional mantra right into my heart. I did not feel like I had to close my eyes in order to escape to another world or retreat into myself. Everything around me was perfect, every person around me was and is perfectly imperfect and I am perfectly imperfect. We set aside everything to be there in that moment to share our love, joy and acceptance with each other. I am safe. I am enough. I am free. I am loving. I am loved. 

The first day's experiences of feeling safe and accepted allowed for the second day to unfold into new experiences and learning to trust. Catherine and I had the honor of assisting Amy during her Ashtanga class. Every time I teach or assist, it's a lesson and practice for me as well. Stepping into confidence in myself and my abilities. Fuck yeah, I can do this! Accepting that others put their trust in me, holding that trust with so much care to keep them safe. I rested, ate more food made with love, and met more people in a ceremony of sharing and community. More new experiences in trust with Heather in ceremony, with Tatiana in acro yoga therapy, in myself, the pond and the board for being able to do yoga on a stand up paddle board! We danced some more, sang some more, yoga'd some more and threw color at each other in the Holi Color Fest, creating a brilliant explosion of youthful joy!