Quit It with the Fix It Energy

This week alone, two friends posted about it and I read it in a book. This “fix it” energy. Trying to fix other people’s problems without an invitation for advice. It’s my go-to action. Or is that a knee jerk re-action? Is anyone else guilty of this? 

I’m learning how to sit back and truly listen without barreling full steam ahead with my toolbox. I noticed it last week when a friend told me about his computer problems and I immediately started troubleshooting it. It took a while before I stopped and it hit me, like a cartoon character running headfirst into a stop sign. Bam! Dramatic fall! Ouch. He didn’t ask for help. He was just telling me about his day. 

It’s even more prevalent and more ambiguous when it comes to emotions. When someone else is sad, I try and fix it, try and find the source of it and make it all better. Is it because of my own inability to sit with my sadness? 

Yesterday, I was on this high-energy buzz of gratitude. The weather was perfect, one of my amazing coworkers gave me a cheer up self-care package full of lush products, I booked plane tickets to go to Seattle to teach yoga at a workshop (SAY WHAT?!?! More about this later!), and amazing things were happening to amazing people in my life from entrepreneurship awards to job offers. 

When I woke up this morning, I felt sad. I’ve been waking up in tears in the middle of every night this week, missing my dog (don’t fix this for me, it’s mine to own). I immediately went on Facebook, hoping for something to spark the feel good rush from yesterday. It didn’t work. The hamster wheel in my mind started turning, racing, as I tried to find the source of my sadness. The gloomy weather? Unanswered text? Not yet Saturday? Missing my dog? This break up? I suddenly stopped myself in this frantic search and realized, what does it matter? Am I just trying to find the source of the emotion so that I can change it? So that I can avoid it? I just let myself be sad, without trying to figure out why, without trying to change it. It’s okay to feel the way I feel. 

I rolled out my mat. The clouds outside literally parted and the sun came out.

Silver Linings

Silver linings and the light at the end of the tunnel.

They’re hard to see when we feel swallowed by darkness. 

I wasn’t comfortable with sharing publicly about what was happening in my life but I was able to lean on a few friends. One of the mantras I repeated before the break up was “I am well taken care of by my loved ones and the universe.” My friends helped me in various ways that played to their strengths and what they were able to offer. Some shared their experiences that paralleled mine and I was able to find strength and hope by seeing how they have moved beyond them. Some of them continued to check in with me to ask how my day is going and just be there for me.

After my post from last week, more friends have reached out to offer their support. I am touched by every single person whose lives I’ve connected with. I’m so passionate about the power of social media and its ability to be a source of positivity in our lives. Someone I’ve connected with only through Instagram reached out to me to give me a wonderful message:

“There’s always a silver lining and when you are in your darkest hour, take something from the moment and use it as a source of strength to push forward.”

I’ve been changing and healing and growing so much over the past few years that even as challenging this life decision was, I was able to approach it from the most grounded and healthy way I’ve ever handled any situation. I’ve had all the tools I need from my yoga practice, therapy, meditation, and meeting other bright souls here to provide unconditional love, that have helped me unlearn the habitual behaviors of my past and create new behaviors moving forward.