How Do You Want to FEEL?

How do you want to feel?

What will you do to feel the way you want to feel?

I ask myself these questions almost every day as a way of checking in with myself. Three answers always come up- Peace, Joy, and Love. Yeah, it's all rainbows and butterflies, but it's so much more. 

Peace

For me, peace means living with ease, being well rested, quiet, zen, safety, security, care-free, freedom to be myself. It's a quiet feeling, where I can fully relax, breathe, and know that all is well. 

Joy

For me, joy means feeling alive, looking at the world with awe, feeling inspired, excited, happy, motivated, freedom to explore, learn, and grow. It's expansive, big, like I can do anything, running through the fields with arms wide open kind of feeling. 

Love

For me, love feels like belonging, being fully accepted, being seen and heard, gratitude, giving, serving, connection. 

Connection

I keep coming back to connection. What does connection mean to me?

It means being first and foremost connected with myself- in body, mind and spirit. I do this through self-care practices of yoga, meditation, journaling, oracle cards, dance, food, therapy, learning, sleep, being in nature, in solitude.

When I have fulfilled my basic needs and am feeling centered and clear, I can move outside of my own body into my physical surroundings and connect with others- my relationships, my home, my work space, and more nature.

When I feel connected to the people in my life and my surroundings, I can give even more and I ask what can I offer the world? What am I naturally talented at? What do I love doing? How can I combine those and serve my community?

It starts within and moves outwards, expanding infinitely with love. 💖🦋✨🌈☀️🌴🌱💚

Healing My Relationship with Cooking

I could not have made all this beautiful food six months ago.

The person I was six months ago had so many negative associations around cooking that the mere thought of it sent me into a panic. I have so much gratitude for Katie Rust, my health coach, who helped kickstart my healing process around food and cooking starting this past June.

I started learning about food prepping and how to listen to my body. I've been cooking by myself and with my boyfriend Brett for the past few months and I'm actually starting to find this FUN! Seriously, who am I?? Katie inspired me to try Whole30. When I first heard about it a few years ago, I scoffed at it and I believe my exact words were "hell no! fuck that!!"

But now... here I am.

Brett and I are doing Whole30 together, keeping each other inspired and motivated. He’s empowered me in so many ways. I've been learning about my mindset around food and cooking through this process. I actually LOVE the food that I am eating and it feels so good knowing that I made it. I’m glad that I am finally enjoying something so essential to human survival. And the best part is that I am doing more than surviving. I am THRIVING and I'm dancing to music in the kitchen while I cook. 😍💃🏻❤️

The Struggle to Love My Body

I’ve noticed lots of self deprecating humor lately from people about their body image. Where does it border on disdain and self hate? The things I’ve read are not things that they would say to someone else. 

I don’t have an epic weight loss story. I’ve stayed within the same 10 pound range for my entire adult life. So who I am I to speak on body image? I’m not here to compare stories, one up anyone or complain about my past. 

I’ve struggled with my body image, confidence and self worth for most of my life. I believed I was ugly and needed to lose weight. I put my self-worth in the way I looked. For a while, I tried to eat only 1200 calories a day, obsessive about the calories to the point that I would only eat packaged food that had a nutrition facts label. But then I binged on the weekend and would be wracked with guilt and feel like a failure. The cycle of punishment through food resumed back on Monday. I would exercise with passionate hate filled thoughts about my body, how I would never be good enough, and all the while being miserable.

When I realized counting calories wasn’t working for me, I stopped counting and ate whatever I wanted within reason. I kept working out with the goal to look a certain way. One day, I was feeling really good and confident in my strength. I compared my body to an older picture. Oh shit… I looked the more or less same. At that moment it clicked. I may never look a certain way but I FELT amazing! What had happened was a mindset shift.

I began exercising to feel good rather than solely look good. To feel good mentally and internally with my digestion. I stopped cutting away food I loved and stopped eating with guilt. I cut down on my portions by noticing when I was full (when I would take a big inhale in the middle of eating). I do exercises that I love and look forward to. I’m always learning more but the most dramatic change was in my mindset. I hope these words inspire you to be kind towards yourself and your body in your health and fitness journey and always.