Rest. Recharge. Revisit.

Rest.

Recharge.

Revisit.

Remember.

Return.

Realize.

Realign.

Recover.

Reflect.

Receive.

It’s time to turn within. People and lessons from the past may be returning for another opportunity for growth. Reflect on the past, reflect on yourself. Take it slow. Take it easy. Whether or not you believe the planets effects on us, it’s always a good RE-MIND-ER to be mindful. Allow yourself extra rest and reflection from now until mid-April. And no, it doesn’t have to be on a tropical beach. 😜😉😆💛💚💙

Waking Up From Winter

I can breathe again.

Daylight saving time began. Spring is on its way. 

This winter was one of the hardest I’ve had in years. Seasonal affective disorder is no joke. The depression feels like a deep ache in the core of my being, a permeating sadness regardless of how good life is. 

I tried to do everything that the articles recommended. Mindfulness, yoga, vitamin D, sun lamp, good diet, exercise, therapy, socialization, gratitude. I didn’t fall back on my usual vices of shopping and sugar to distract or numb. I even went to Costa Rica and had one of the most blissful weeks of my life! But all it took to send me back into depression was a single gust of cold Chicago wind one evening. I tried everything short of taking medication and permanently moving to a sunny locale. All of this effort was just to feel OK. Some days, all I could do after work was get on my mat and cry, exhausted from a day of holding myself together. 
This winter taught me two things:

This depression lives in my body. I am an advocate for mental health but all of those practices were just to feel okay. Next year, I will treat this as a disorder in my body and not just my mind. I will no longer deny the way I feel. I will no longer deny that I NEED sun and warmth every day to feel okay. I do not need to just “grow thicker skin” or toughen up. I will trust the way I feel. It is okay to be having a different experience of winter and lack of sunlight than most people around me. 

I learned that one of the most important things to me is to feel like I BELONG.

The difference between belonging and fitting in: Belonging is being accepted exactly as you are. Fitting in often requires changing who you are or aspects about yourself in order to blend in or be accepted. Fitting in is conditional acceptance. This winter, I was in a workplace that had so much negativity and judgment flying around that I shrunk into myself and disconnected myself from my coworkers in efforts to protect myself. I felt out of place. I refused to attempt to fit in and connect through negativity. Fortunately, I was able to renew my contract with Walgreens and return to a place that feels like home. Where I belong. ❤

Core Desires

In the first month of 2018, my spirit has been dampened by the gloom of winter in Chicago and the gloom of my work place. I've spent the past month thinking about what is important to me and what do I really need to be happy. At the end of the day, that's what we all want- to be happy. 

In the book Love Warrior by @glennondoyle, she talks about the word crisis. The Greek root of the word crisis is to sift", as in, to shake out the excesses and leave only what's important. I have no crisis in my life (thankfully), and had not in a long time, but it stuck with me. After all the excess is gone, what is truly important to me? They go hand in hand, but I were to condense it to 3 words, they would be Connection, Authenticity, and Health.

Genuine, deep connection with my loved ones.

Speaking my truth.

Being known and being seen.

Belonging, meaning when I can be fully accepted as who I am.

Connection to my body, my emotions, my mental health, my surroundings, my spirit, my truth.

The origin of the word "health" is "whole. Our journey in this life is to become whole again, to remember what it is to be whole and healthy. I went to a talk with @deepakchopra and he outlined the six pillars of physical well being:
1. sleep
2. meditation & stress management
3. movement/yoga/breath
4. emotions
5. nutrition/nourishment
6. biological rhythms/grounding (circadian, seasonal, lunar, and tidal rhythms), meaning connection to nature!

Going forward, these are my core needs and desires that I can always come back to when I’ve lost my way.

What Yoga Taught Me About Self-Love

What is self-love?

First, how do we show others that we love them? Accept them exactly as they are, listen, protect, show affection, and so much more. Self-love is applying this same level of love to ourselves. My journey towards deeper self-love has taken years of making tiny changes, lots of mistakes, and many shifts in mindset shifts. When I made yoga a part of my daily life two years ago, it cultivated my loving body awareness.

I accept myself.

You are enough, I am enough. There will always be a more challenging pose to master. My practice began with trying to attain the next pose in the Ashtanga Yoga sequence and putting it into my “Bank of Poses.” Being able to do a perfect handstand doesn't make someone a better person. Although working towards a goal and improving are wonderful things, it can stir a great amount of discontent when our minds are only goal oriented, forward looking. I'll be happy when... I can do a handstand. I'll be happy when... I get that raise. I'll be happy when… There is an implication that you are not good enough and you need to be better. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. You are enough, I am enough. Right now, at this very moment. Acceptance and improvement are not mutually exclusive. We can love and accept ourselves and improve. I learned to accept by cultivating gratitude. I have big strong legs to hold me in Warrior I. My strong core protects my organs and my willpower. I have a soft heart that is capable of giving and receiving love. I have arms that help lift others up! By acknowledging the gifts in my life and my body, I am able to create space to invite bountiful positivity and growth.

I listen to my body.

How do we listen to our bodies? They change from day to day. A pose that I could do yesterday may not happen today, but might happen tomorrow! Some days I can do a split, other days, no way! By cultivating awareness in my body through my yoga practice, I became more attune to the subtle changes that food would have on my digestion and my state mind. Some days, I just want some soup and salad. Other days, I need a big juicy burger with a side of mashed potatoes and I enjoy every bite of it without guilt. Our bodies are affected by the changing of the seasons, and I adjust my food and my exercise to accommodate. Beyond my body, I learned how to listen by distinguishing what aligned with my authentic self and let go of what didn't without guilt. I act with intention and purpose. MY purpose. Not my mom's, best friend's or boyfriend's. My own. I act with my values of peace, joy, love, abundance and authenticity. When it doesn't align, I am able to say "no" with ease. Loving ourselves is being true to ourselves, and this begins with listening.

I protect my body and show it affection.

For 2 years, I set the intention to wake up early for yoga every day. Some days it happened, some it didn't. It was inconsistent. I had an expectation for how the practice should look: 1.5 hours of sweaty Ashtanga yoga. That's extremely challenging for me to do every single day, work a full time job and have a social life. Eventually, I let go of the expectations and decided that some movement was better than no movement. I created a flexible morning routine that means waking up at the same time and doing yoga but the style and length of time that I practice fluctuates with how I'm feeling that day. Slowly and over time, I added meditation to this morning routine by shortening my practice just 5 or 10 minutes. My flexible morning routine protects my body, and shows it affection. 

Thank you, yoga.

Yoga has helped me find acceptance, listen and protect my body, and show myself loving affection. By cultivating body awareness, I was able to translate the metaphors that were occurring in my physical practice to bring them off the mat and into my life. Yoga inspires me every day. If you are searching for a more loving connection with your body, try stepping onto the yoga mat and find a style that works for your lifestyle, body and mind. Love shows up in different forms for everyone. Other ways of showing ourselves love could be lifting weights, reading a book, taking a walk around the block, going fishing, taking a bath, or taking pleasure in the food that we eat and not feeling guilty about it. All with purpose and intention.