Dear 18-year-old Mona,
You are beautiful. You are so beautiful, inside and out. I know you don’t believe it, I know you don’t believe when anyone tells you that. I know you’ve struggled so much with your body and that you’ll continue to do so. I know that you think you’re fat and ugly. I know it will be more years before you begin to see your radiance. You are beautiful.
I know you’re in a relationship where you are constantly let down, and I know you’re going to cling on to it for another 8 years. I know you think it’s the best you’ll ever have and that you don’t deserve better. I know it’s going to break you. It’s going to bring out the absolute worst in you. You’re going to hurl hateful, spiteful words with the intention to hurt and cut deep. You’re going to be called a crazy bitch on a nearly daily basis. You believe it. You believe that “relationships are hard.” You believe that this abuse is just a part of the “hard times.” You don’t even realize it’s abuse. You believe that throwing things, slamming doors, punching walls, yelling, and insulting each other are just “normal” fights that every couple has. IT IS NOT. IT IS NOT OKAY. I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not. I know this is what it takes for you to grow, for you to see how bad it can be. It will be the contrast to what’s possible. You are a fucking warrior. You’ve already been through so much and you’re going to continue to go through more of the hardest years of your life. I am amazed at your capacity to love, even the people who have hurt you.
Keep following your heart. It’s going to lead you to yoga and all the right people who will help change your life. You’re going to find a friend who is going to shower you with fierce, loving kindness. She’s going to show you what it’s like to be loved unconditionally, without criticism or abuse. She’s going to show you how to love yourself. When you love yourself, it will only expand your ability to love everyone around you. It will show you how you want to be treated.
Even though you’re a dreamer and an optimist, you have no idea of the greatness that is even possible and how much you have grown and changed. Keep on loving.
Love always,
Mona, 28