Distract from Discomfort

Obsessive.

It's how I was feeling towards Facebook and Instagram a few weeks ago. It's how I was feeling towards a situation in my life. It was on my mind all the time. It created a knot in my stomach and a grip around my chest. I was too busy to deal with the emotions that made me so uncomfortable so I stayed even more distracted. I spent even more time on Facebook. I was scrolling and scrolling, trying to feel better. Ten more minutes. Scrolling. Oops, it's been 30 minutes. I had exceeded the point where the posts were uplifting and of substance and to me and it was all negativity. This had to change.

Last week, I stayed home from work with a cold and luckily had the weekend ahead of me so I resolved to fully heal both my physical and emotional bodies by resting and doing a Facebook and Instagram detox for the weekend. Boy, that gave me some insight into my behaviors. I had no plans for the weekend. Nothing to do, nowhere to be. I reached for my phone out of habit. Again. And again. And again. I paid attention to how I was feeling each time I did that.

Fatigue. Boredom. Discomfort. Sadness. Loneliness. Guilt. Shame.

I realized how I opened up Facebook out of habit to try and feel better, to avoid discomfort, and to try to connect with friends. It wasn't real connection though- it was a lurking in the shadows, looking at other people's lives while not interacting. I changed my actions: when I felt the need to connect with someone, I texted them instead or made plans to meet face to face and have a conversation. I dealt with the feelings, journaled about them and talked about them with close friends. I remembered what actually makes me feel better - yoga, eating well, sitting outside in the sun, and reading a good book. I picked my activities with intention rather than mindlessly reaching for my phone, hoping there might be a gem in my newsfeed.