Body Image

Let’s talk :: B O D Y I M A G E ::

This photo was taken at a magnificent waterfall in Costa Rica, which was my ideal image of Costa Rica, and what drew me there in the first place. But something was off. I felt kinda bleh all day. Something wasn’t living up to my expectations. I felt separate even though I was in a group. But I hadn’t been able to put words to it yet, just a bleghh feeling. A guttural sound. I didn’t realize what I was feeling or why was until dinner time: I had been self conscious about my body all day!! I was in PARADISE and my mind was still in a loop of comparing and judging.

I was surrounded by beautiful women and I was comparing my body to theirs.

I brought this up during our dinner when I realized it. Our retreat leader, Camille, asked the group who has ever felt self conscious about their body. And it looked like that scene from Mean Girls when they were asked to “raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by Regina George.” Every. single. hand went up. One of them shared with me, “it’s all internal. Even though I know I look good, I usually don’t feel it.”

This is all coming up for me today and being tied together with the body shame that’s rampant in the Chinese culture (and many other cultures too). From my earliest memories to around 13 years old, I was told, what seemed like on a daily basis, that I was too skinny. Then one day, it was like a switch flipped and I was told I was fat. I was also criticized for things about my body that were outside of my control such as the color of my skin, the size of my eyes, the length of my eyelashes, and the size of the hands and feet.

It’s taken me years to feel good about myself and my body on most days, but all it takes is one comment to send me back into that negative spiral.

So here’s to you, my fellow human, who has probably also experienced body shame:

You are beautiful. You are loved. You are perfectly imperfect. You are enough.

Say it again and again, make it a mantra, until you believe it.

I am beautiful. I am loved. I am perfectly imperfect. I am enough. ✨

Go Live Your Life

I don’t know about you, but I could always use these friendly reminders: what we see from other people’s social media pages are a highlight reel of their best or grandest moments, and comparison is the thief of joy. So take a L O N G deep breath, stop scrolling, and go live your life. And if you’re like me and still scrolling because anxiety or boredom, take five minutes and sit quietly and observe the thoughts that come up. 

My life does not look like this every day. I am still in Chicago working a 9-5 job in corporate. Thankfully it gives me the time and space to teach yoga, write, and dream up new ways of creating beautiful experiences for you through classes, moon circles, online videos, and so much more to come! 😉💖🌺🧚🏽‍♀️

Jungle Goddess

My time in Costa Rica on the Jungle Goddess retreat was more amazing than I imagined it could be. I experienced love and connection at a whole new level. It was a week of love, connection, loving words, feeling like I belonged, feeling accepted, feeling safe and held and cared for. I ate food created with love and did not have to think about my meals for the entire week, which allowed me more capacity to focus on healing, connecting, and growing. With all the space that was held for me to feel safe, I was able to courageously explore.

I walked barefoot through the jungle alongside my sisters.

I walked alone through the jungle.

I swam in Caribbean Sea with my sisters.

I swam alone.

I climbed into a cove past sea urchins to see the most magnificent natural archway I have ever laid eyes on.

It took my breath away.

I climbed slippery rocks and trees.

I released everything and ran naked into the ocean. 

I connected with my Self. 

The yoga classes were filled with loving words and affirmations that held me and empowered me. The DANCEmandala classes were beyond what I expected. They were a movement and stillness meditation. I felt it all in my body. They took me through the entire gamut of my emotions. By the end of the week, my mind was quiet enough and I had released all the stress, negativity, and anxiety from my day to day life, that I was able to hear my heart's whisper. I could hear my intuition and my truth. The message of trusting myself, my intuition, and the Universe kept coming to me over and over and over again and I felt it, I heard it, and then one of the healers said it, just to affirm all of it and tie it up with a pretty bow. As I laid my head down at night, what played through my mind was the loving words and images from the day. I could see and hear Camille saying "You are a Goddess."

I connected with my Tribe.

It amazes me how deeply we are able to connect with each other when we let our walls down. The women I spent this week with are my sisters, my mirrors, my soulmates. I held space and simply listened. The same was returned for me. I was able to freely express my love for them. I could say "I love you" after knowing them for less than 24 hours. We blessed each other with the waterfall of Aloha and we received that love for ourselves each time. I belong here.

I connected with Mother Nature.

I hugged trees. I felt mud squish between my toes. For my entire life, I've been called to surfing and I finally got to get on a board for the first time! I felt it all: the waves, the water, the tide. I felt mother ocean pull me and push me. My surf instructor told me again and again to relaaaax (boy, I've never heard that before). I started to find my balance and center on the board. I felt what it was like to be literally on top of a wave, and for it to bring me to shore.

Relaxing is trusting. I stopped the need to get it right, to get it perfect every time. I just trusted and knew that each time I started to paddle and stand up, that it was practice.

And that's all this life is.

Practice.