Our retreat leader, Camille, asked the group who has ever felt self conscious about their body. And it looked like that scene from Mean Girls when they were asked to “raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by Regina George.” Every. single. hand went up.
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What we see from other people’s social media pages are a highlight reel of their best or grandest moments, and comparison is the thief of joy. So take a L O N G deep breath, stop scrolling, and go live your life.
Look inside- what do you see?
I see a girl
who was caged,
broken and scared.
How do you want to feel? What will you do to feel the way you want to feel?
It’s time to turn within. People and lessons from the past may be returning for another opportunity for growth. Reflect on the past, reflect on yourself.
I’ve watched my yoga practice change over the years.
When I started practicing Ashtanga primary series, which is an intense hour and a half sequence, I was determined on getting my body into all the poses and progressing on to second series. The poses were the goal.
Seasonal affective disorder is no joke. The depression feels like a deep ache in the core of my being, a permeating sadness regardless of how good life is.
My time in Costa Rica on the Jungle Goddess retreat was more amazing than I imagined it could be. I experienced love and connection at a whole new level. It was a week of love, connection, loving words, feeling like I belonged, feeling accepted, feeling safe and held and cared for.
I keep saying that I wish I didn't feel this way.
I wish the weather didn't affect me as much as it does.
Well, honey, it does. So whatcha gonna do about it? You can't change it.
After all the excess is gone, what is truly important to me? They go hand in hand, but I were to condense it to 3 words, they would be Connection, Authenticity, and Health.
I was in a Yin Yoga training this weekend and our homework was to write down 11 things we are grateful for and 11 things that bring us joy. It helped to shift my perspective. We sat in a circle and shared 3 from each list. I got to hear 108 beautiful and heartwarming reminders of gratitude and joy.
No more of this "means to an end" bullshit. What the hell is the "end" anyways? I resolve to stop putting my life on hold until I achieve this thing or that thing. I resolve to stop trying to fit my life into a plan. We all know how plans go.
Freedom. Authenticity. Connection. Awe. Love. Secure. Peace. Balance. Joy. Beauty. Abundance.
These are some of the feelings that guide me in my life.
For years, I had taken someone else's belief about love as my own truth. "Love is when you care about someone so much that you would sacrifice anything for them." Sounds poetic. But upon further investigation, I realized something deeply disturbing about this belief.
How does inspiration feel?
It fills me with life and energy. I feel propelled forward, ready to make magic. It lights me up, sparks a fire within me.
Confession: I have not been practicing yoga asana every day.
Not even close.
I've been paralyzed by fear of making decisions which resulted in inaction and wishing someone else would make the choice for me.
I didn't trust myself.
Relief that the past is behind me and that I no longer have to carry it with me.
Relief that the present and future are brighter and filled with more love than I knew possible.
Relief that my reality is no longer filled with fear.
As a perfectionist and an optimist, it's easy to always look at a situation and see how it could be better, how it could be different.
I was always looking on the bright side of things, looking for the silver lining.
I opened up Facebook out of habit to try and feel better, to avoid discomfort, and to try to connect with friends. It wasn't real connection though- it was a lurking in the shadows, looking at other people's lives while not interacting.