Love Siren :: Love

I’ve been asked “how was Greece?!” And I keep responding with something like “I don’t even have the words for it. It was so amazing.”

It’s hard to sum up in a sentence.

How do I explain that it was a freaking REBIRTH for my soul?!

The words “amazing,” “awesome,” “incredible,” just fall flat.

So to start, I’ll tell you about our dance practices where I felt like I journeyed through an entire lifetime in two hours.

We danced.
We danced to feel our bones, our skeleton.
We danced into the crevices of our psyche,
the memories that our bodies have long since buried.
And we dug them up.

I felt the trauma that has long been dormant in my body.
I let my emotions run free
and I cried.
Full
body
sobs
that bring you to your knees.
For the old me.
For my ancestors.
For the women in the world.
Especially the ones who don’t have the safety
or the privilege
to do the work that we’re doing here.

We dug up our anger.
The rage for the injustices in the world.
The rage for all the times that my boundaries were violated.
The rage for all the times I wanted to scream NOOO
but had to keep the peace and sit quiet and pretty.
The rage for all the women through all of time
who have had their bodies violated,
raped.

And we SCREAMED.
At the top of our lungs.
For the entire island to hear.

I screamed for the times that I had to stay silent.
For the times that I was told to "shut up."
For the times that I didn't have a say because I was "too young" and that "elders know best."
I screamed for all the people and animals who don't have a voice.
The ones who don't have the ability or the freedom to speak up.
I screamed for my mom, who grew up in communist China
where books were burned
where knowledge and expression was considered a threat.

I screamed because I CAN.
Because I CAN use my voice.
Because I am FREE and I am WILD.

And my tears
they turned to
relief
gratitude
joy
wonder.

I am here.
In paradise.
Following my heart.
Following my intuition.
Defying the odds.

My therapist once told me
to be where I am in life is nothing short of a miracle.
With all I've been through,
it would have been more likely for me to end up on the streets.

Yet.

Here I am.

I let that sink in.

To be here is a miracle.
What I've endured is my gift. My power.

I am here.

Doing this work
and a guiding light for others on this path.

I am here.

Using my voice.
Taking up space.
Shining BRIGHT.
Radiance.

The sunlight peaked through the slatted roof.
Sparkles from the tears flooded my vision.

YES.

I am here.

We danced with joy.
The way to love was clear.
Our bodies and our minds unburdened from
the trauma that had held us captive.
Released.
Free.

We danced.
To express.
To flow.
To receive.
To love.

Open.
To love.
Be love.
For love.

I am here.
For love.